Vegas, Baby!

The hubby and I just returned from Vegas, and boy did we have a good time. I won't bore you with the details - music, gambling, food, etc etc - however there were a few interesting moments I just had to share. (Hubby actually mentioned "I bet you blog this" on some of these) I'll warn you, it WAS Vegas,these aren't G-rated!

1. Free airport entertainment is worth the price. And by that, I mean it's worth NOTHING. Hubby and I were enjoying our pre-flight sushi before leaving for Vegas, comfortably seated near the front exit. Half-way through our miso, an awful caterwauling commenced...some random 25-year-old guy set up shop with his guitar, and serenaded the busy travelers. Since security didn't haul him away, I assume he had permission...but boy, were we hoping for that burly security guy to step in. This "singer" was awful; he slaughtered perfectly good songs from the 50s through 80s. Seriously, when your "Love Me Tender" is worse than the fat Elvis Impersonator at some cheap casino...it's time to find a real job, perhaps at McDonalds.

2. Vegas needs to change it's slogan. Forget "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"...hubby now proposes a simpler "show us your tits". 10 seconds on a Saturday night is enough to prove him right. Now, I'm no prude - I've been there on a girls weekend where we dressed to the nines and clubbed hopped with the best of them. But sheesh, it's getting ridiculous! Everybody is wearing low-cut, tight, sparkly attire...from the petite girls with fake IDs, to mature cougars who know better. It's getting so you can't pick out the hookers anymore!

3. Speaking of that slogan - people, it's a saying, not a command! You'd never guess it from the Sunday-morning and Monday-morning crowds, however. (Hubby likes to get up before 7am and gamble for cheap) Walk of shame, check. Drunks of all ages, check. Conservative 50-something ladies grinning like Cheshire cats, check and check. As much as I enjoy people-watching during the evenings - all the crazy attire, the makeup, the flirting and drinking - mornings are even better - the hangovers, the smeared makeup and slept-in clubbing outfit, and more.

4. Drunks of all ages are fun. Sure, we saw plenty of drunk college guys cruising for chicks. (Note to college guys - getting drunk and randomly yelling "Wooooo" really doesn't draw the ladies) My favorite group of drunks was older, however. 3 couples, all in their late 40s to early 50s, riding the monorail with us after a night of dinner and a show. All were well soused, but one guy in the group was clearly way beyond the rest - he spoke loudly, said stupid things, engaged random strangers in a debate over the merits of the "Jersey Boys" show he just watched. His 5-person greek chorus just giggled and reminded him to use an "inside voice", which made the whole thing very, very funny to watch.

5. Movies and TV shows aren't that wrong. We witnessed an actual "medical emergency" on our flight back, and it was just like on TV! A lady was having a seizure about 20 minutes from our home airport. The flight attendants asked for "any passenger with medical training...a doctor, nurse, certified EMT". When we landed, we came in hard, and pulled into a gate in amazing time. It was thrilling and scary at the same time - for everyone, really. I can report that the passenger was conscious and able to walk out on her own, so hopefully she's ok.

In case you're wondering, no, we didn't come back big winners. That's ok - we stayed within our budget, ate a couple exquisite meals (Mesa Grill Sunday brunch is wonderful), and enjoyed being adults together. What a wonderful vacation...can't wait to do it again!

"This Talent Show Brought to You by Billy Ray Cyrus Productions"

Last night, our eldest daughter participated in a school talent show. By eldest, I mean 10 years old - so it was your standard elementary school talent show. Bailey was act 25 of 30, so we sat through 90 minutes of other kids before she was on. (They were supposed to limit the kids to 2 minutes each - we know because we had to edit her song - but when we were 5 acts in and 30 minutes had past...the writing was on the wall. Somebody didn't want to be the "evil PTO person" who cut kids' fun short)

Have you enjoyed a school talent show before? If not, let me fill you in on the fun!

• It's 90% girls.


• You will always have someone doing her ballet routine, with varying degrees of success.


• You will see 12 year old white girls girating their hips like Pussycat Dolls. You will be mildly horrified, and try to distract your 5-yr-old daughter from the sight. "Hey Rachel, wanna put lipstick on mommy right now? Please?"


• Some Second-grade boy will get up and tell terrible jokes. All the kids will laugh, all the adults will make terrible pretend chuckles. Most parents in the room have probably told their children they will be grounded for telling that joke just one more time.


• The other boy, usually around age 11, will demonstrate his Karate/Tai-Kwan-Do moves. One of your sons will punch his friend trying to copy it. They will both find this funny.


• One kid will sing a song really well. The others will mumble into the microphones, or just stand still for 3 minutes because they've forgotten the words. As your own kid's act approaches, you pray she manages to remember the words, or at least pretend well.


• Finally, the worst of all...some single artist will be very popular, and you will hear this person's music often. Two years ago it was Avril Lavigne - we had, I kid you not, FOUR versions of Skater Boy performed. I now hate the song. This year it was Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. We lost track after FIFTEEN songs - thank goodness she has a lot of music out, only 2 repetitions that I recall. (And yes, my daughter also sang Hannah Montana. Better than her first choice, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy")

For those of you visiting for my blog contest....yes, you can post a comment here and be counted! I'll be posting again this afternoon, and finally revealing the earrings you can win. Stay tuned!