Help! I can't look away!

Inspired by today's post on The Mom Bomb...

Have you ever been stuck in a situation where you just COULD. NOT. LOOK. AWAY. ? You knew it was a major faux-pas, you were probably hurting someone's feelings...but the more you berated yourself mentally, the funnier it got, and the more 'stuck' you became?

Hoo boy, do I know that feeling.

My previous job had a large Asian population. (Great for handmade spring rolls!) Many nationalities were there, but the Vietnamese were predominant.

Many of the Vietnamese men at my job had one strange quirk. They had extra long pinkie fingernails on their left hands. Very hard to NOT notice, but since it's a personal grooming issue...nobody wanted to inquire about it.

Except one Friday, one of my technicians finally asked the other about the nail. He replied that it was cultural (duh), and that most men used it to 'wipe' their butt. Said it was better than toilet paper - no residue. Ewww.

The next day, I had a pedicure schedule with my friend, "Barbie". As we waited, we chatted about the work day...and I told the fingernail story. We were shown back to our little massaging chairs, and relaxed.

Until the pedicurist arrived. A guy. A Vietnamese guy.

With that long fingernail.

He (thankfully) donned rubber gloves before touching us...but all we could do was stare at his hand in horror. I glanced at Barbie, and saw the same "oh god, what do we do" look on her face that I could feel on my own.

My eyes were drawn inexorably back to The Fingernail. It seemed to waggle obscenely at me, clad in rubber and standing off from the rest of the hand.

Barbie got the same impression, for as we once again matched gazes...we burst into giggles.

For the full 30 minutes it took to get our (admittedly great) pedicures, this same situation kept happening. We couldn't talk, we couldn't read our trashy magazines...all we could do was stare at this fingernail, and hope our guy never looked up.

[I know you're wondering - and NO, that's not really what it's for. My tech was having a little joke on the person who asked...lucky me, just caught in the cross-fire. Sicko]

Jackalope Nostalgia

On my desk, I have a Jackalope.

It's not a real one (ha!), not even a stuffed rabbit. It's a cute little 2" figure with ratty faux fur and purple antlers.

Today I'm feeling nostalgic about Ms. Jack. Enough to write this post, which has nothing to do with jewelry, etsy, ebay, or any of my usual topics.

In 1999, my brother graduated from college at Arizona State. The family made the trek from various locales to watch him walk, and spend a few days together relaxing. One day we drove out to Tortilla Flat, a small wide-spot on the frighteningly narrow Apache Trail road. We had a large minivan, which made the drive even more interesting - something about 7 people reminding the driver just how FAR down it was to the river.

Tortilla Flat is mainly a restaurant, with a few gift shops and such to browse before you go back to Phoenix. My family was browsing the gift shop while waiting for a table when my grandmother found her first Jackalope. I'll hand it to the shop owner - quite an impressive display of taxidermy, and the faux history with it was very interesting and somewhat believable. Grandma certainly believed it, and nothing anyone else said could convince her otherwise. She also kept asking me to look "on the internets" to prove her right, so I finally agreed to have some peace.

After the trip, life returned to somewhat normal. Grandma didn't bring up the Jackalope again, which was perfect since I had no intention of 'researching' it. Then, in one night of grand inspiration, my ex-husband and I - with my brother's help - created our own National Geographic-style information sheet on the Jackalope. It was greatness - history, latin name, pictures, even the yellow box and logo. We printed it and quietly circulated it among the family that attended the Tortilla Flats trip...and it's now family legend.

Unfortunately, the original file is gone, and the printouts have been safely 'stashed' beyond reach. Grandma has also left us, but telling the story (and recalling the details of the sheet) still gives us a wonderful giggle and glow. I can't remember everything, but here's a few snippets of the funniest thing I ever did.

North American Jackalope
Jackalopus Reallyfakus
also known as the Morman Chihuahua and Dollie's Folly

Believed to have crossed the land-bridge of creative taxidermy sometime before the ice age, the Jackalope now resides entirely in the United States. Primary habitat is Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, and rural gift shops everywhere.

Diet consists of berries and foliage. Has been reported to spear fish from rivers, data is unconfirmed