"This Talent Show Brought to You by Billy Ray Cyrus Productions"

Last night, our eldest daughter participated in a school talent show. By eldest, I mean 10 years old - so it was your standard elementary school talent show. Bailey was act 25 of 30, so we sat through 90 minutes of other kids before she was on. (They were supposed to limit the kids to 2 minutes each - we know because we had to edit her song - but when we were 5 acts in and 30 minutes had past...the writing was on the wall. Somebody didn't want to be the "evil PTO person" who cut kids' fun short)

Have you enjoyed a school talent show before? If not, let me fill you in on the fun!

• It's 90% girls.


• You will always have someone doing her ballet routine, with varying degrees of success.


• You will see 12 year old white girls girating their hips like Pussycat Dolls. You will be mildly horrified, and try to distract your 5-yr-old daughter from the sight. "Hey Rachel, wanna put lipstick on mommy right now? Please?"


• Some Second-grade boy will get up and tell terrible jokes. All the kids will laugh, all the adults will make terrible pretend chuckles. Most parents in the room have probably told their children they will be grounded for telling that joke just one more time.


• The other boy, usually around age 11, will demonstrate his Karate/Tai-Kwan-Do moves. One of your sons will punch his friend trying to copy it. They will both find this funny.


• One kid will sing a song really well. The others will mumble into the microphones, or just stand still for 3 minutes because they've forgotten the words. As your own kid's act approaches, you pray she manages to remember the words, or at least pretend well.


• Finally, the worst of all...some single artist will be very popular, and you will hear this person's music often. Two years ago it was Avril Lavigne - we had, I kid you not, FOUR versions of Skater Boy performed. I now hate the song. This year it was Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. We lost track after FIFTEEN songs - thank goodness she has a lot of music out, only 2 repetitions that I recall. (And yes, my daughter also sang Hannah Montana. Better than her first choice, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy")

For those of you visiting for my blog contest....yes, you can post a comment here and be counted! I'll be posting again this afternoon, and finally revealing the earrings you can win. Stay tuned!